The Degeneration of True Sinetiffic Findings
Sad But Troo
The original admission that the Vikings were there first
From - Sun Aug 03 09:10:38 1997
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From: Bucketmouth
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The Last Viking wrote:
>
> Yeah, it's really bazzing me. I've been to Mars several times with my Mazda,
> and there's nothing there you yell hurray, for. It's mostly just desert and
> rocks. Ahh, Amerikans, and 4'th of July..
>
Yeah .... Bah!... I think its the litlle tonka toy that bounces on the
surface that everyone's excited about... I'd much rather watch your
mazda make the landing
-- Bucketmouth - There is no bacon on mars (unless the viking chased it
there)
The Degeneration of Troof in the guise of sinetiffic findings and fareness
From - Sun Aug 03 09:15:47 1997
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From: Bucketmouth
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Subject: Re: Protobacon Discovered on Mars!
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Wxwilki wrote:
>
> Yes! Take a close look at:
>
> http://ic-www.arc.nasa.gov/ic/projects/bayes-group/Atlas/Mars/map/3x3/res=
> 16/N/40/307.html
>
> Scroll down to "Closeups of center" and you'll see in the lower-left
> corner of the picture the face of a Martian pig grinning up at us!
>
> It's time for alt.stupidity to start making its plans to invade Mars
> NOW!!!
>
> I'll donate the bottle rocket!
>
Bill!!! Lad !!! M'boyyyyy!!!!!! *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*
*shake* *shake* *shake* *shake* *shake* *shake* *shake*
Yerrr hollloooocinating!!!
Get some bacon inta ya guts ... you'll be fine after a couple a these
... *shovel* *shovel* *shovel* *shovel* *bucketmouth shovels a barrow
load of bacons into wxlixywilky's guts*
-- bucketmouth - there are no bacon on mars ... bill is juss hungry
The first evidence of the degeneration of the Bill Clones
From - Sun Aug 03 09:16:16 1997
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From: Bucketmouth
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Wxwilki wrote:
>
> In article <33C4D6C8.836166BC@geocities.com>, Bucketmouth
> writes:
>
> >A guy walks into a bar with a three-legged pig. "How come your pig only
> >has three legs?" the bar tender asks.
>
> It can't be a Martian pig, they have six!
*slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*
> >"Well," says the guy, "A few years back my youngest child fell in a dam
> >and the pig rescued her. If it wasn't for the pig, my child would have
> >surely drowned."
> >
> >"Oh," prompts the bartender, "and the pig lost his leg saving her?"
> >
> >"No," says the guy.
> >
> >"So how come the pig only has three legs?" asks the bar tender again.
>
> It can't be a Martian pig, they have six!
*slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* eat some friggin bacon bill!!! or start
drinking .. anything to stop these damn hallucinations *slap* *slap*
> >"Weeeelllll," says the guy, "Two years ago, our house burned to the
> >ground. My second eldest child was trapped inside and if it wasn't for
> >the pig rescuing him, he would surely have died."
> >
> >"So the pig had its leg burned off in the fire?" prompts the bartender
> >once again.
> >
> >"No," says the guy.
> >
> >"So how come the pig only has three legs?" asks the bar tender once
> >more, starting to sound pissed off with the guy.
>
> It can't be a Martian pig, they have six!
*slap*
> >"Well six months ago my whole family was in a car wreck. The car lay
> >across a rail track and we were all unconscious. Had the pig not pulled
> >us out, we'd have all perished for sure when that train hit the car."
> >
> >"So the pig lost his leg in a car wreck???"
> >
> >"No," says the guy...
> >
> >"SO HOW COME THE PIG ONLY HAS THREE LEGS???!!!" Yells the bartender...
>
> It can't be a Martian pig, they have six!
BILLLLLLLLLL!!!!! We're losing him *slap* *slap*
> >"Geez," says the bloke, "everyone *knows* ya can't eat a good pig like
> >that all at once."
>
> Except Martian devil bunnies!
>
> alt.stoopidity must invade Mars now!!!
>
> --Bill (who hungers for six-legged bacon)
*slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* C'mon mate ... juss one more mouthful
.. you'll be right ... *sniff* *he used to be human* *slap* *slap*
*slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*
-- bucketmouth - concerned for wxilixwlky's state of mind
Deranged Accusations by the Bill Clones
From - Sun Aug 03 09:18:07 1997
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Date: Mon, 14 Jul 1997 19:42:38 +1000
From: Bucketmouth
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Bill Wilkinson wrote:
>
> Has Bucketmouth been duped by the Martian seekrit agents?
"Translate Earthling"
Oh ... okay ... "Skritter skrit skrit skreeeeet skritter "
*SKROT SKROT SKROT SKROT SKROT* (Martian Belly Laugh)
"Foolish earthlings .... Your bucketmouth is far too stooipiditytiyty to
be duped by us ... we merely bribed him with prawns ... and bacon ..."
*SKROT SKROT SKROT SKROT SKROT*
> He's cleverly refuted every plan for alt.stupidity to
> invade Mars!
I have not!
> Just WHY did the fuzes on our bottle rockets fizzle on
> the last attempt at lift-off???????
*SKROT SKROT SKROT SKROT SKROT*
"Foolish, foolish earthlings!!!"
*SKROT SKROT SKROT SKROT SKROT*
"Every martian knows: Soggy pasta does not a quick wick make ...
> --Bill (suspicious)*slap*
>
-- bucketmouth - *too full to talk now*
*slap* *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*
Humoring the obviously disturbed clones
From - Sun Aug 03 09:18:55 1997
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From: Bucketmouth
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Subject: Re:Why we'll be big on Mars (was:Why Mars is Bigger than it Looks)
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Wxwilki wrote:
>
> In article <33cde568.564748132@nntp.best.ix.netcom.com>,
> mikroa@ix.netcom.com (Michael Roach) writes:
>
> >It was the dawn of the third age of Mankind, the year the great war came
> >upon us all, when John Lodder said:
> >
> >|'Cause it's far away!
> >|
> >|john, who can't understand why the T.V. show "Hercules" uses the Greek
> >|names for the Gods, like Ares for instance, but uses Hercules instead
> >|of Heracles, which is the *Roman* name for the dang hero himself.
> >
> >Well, they ain't nucular psychicists you know!
Uncular whaaa???
> What's their 1-800 hotline number?
1-800-GREENGUYS
> Not that I'm really gonna call 'em. Just curious.
Sing 'im the jingle ...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
a-1 a-2 a-1-2-3-4
Oh we're the martian greenguys
We float across the greenskies
We eat green dust
For dinner and lunch
An we don't get much baaaaaaaacon
Call 1,8,zero zero
GreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnGuuuuuuuuuuuuuyyyyyyyyyyssssssss
-- bucketmouth - we could learn interplanetary *marketing strategies*
oboyoboyoboyoboyoboy
The *Actual* Troof
From - Sun Aug 03 09:19:39 1997
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Date: Mon, 21 Jul 1997 22:25:56 +1000
From: Bucketmouth
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Subject: Refutation of the 'Lone Martian Pig Theory'
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That several-wheeled pig could have fallen out of the viking's mazda
when he turned left at Hastings and ended up on mars ... it has the
glazed look of a very chilly Tromsoenian pig with its legs gnawed off.
So who could blame the pig for being camera shy. The operation to insert
castors into its anatomy is cruel and unusual punishment for a very
patient and shiny little piggy.
In conclusion, I would say that this so-called martian pig is no more
than an escaped Tromsoenian half-eaten viking victim who has taken
refuge in an even more remote place from that which it escaped.
-- professor bucketmouth - solving the riddles of the known Universe
The Beginnings of Mass Halloooocination
From - Sun Aug 03 09:22:53 1997
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From: Bucketmouth
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V2R wrote:
>
> bucketmouth once said:
>
> >If you find yourself there, what will you say to you? Huh?Huh?Huh?
>
> I would hope I would say hello but sometimes I'm not so nice to the other
> voices I hear in my head...
You run the risk of giving those voices an inferiority complex. They
will feel neglected and revolt!
> >I have proof. Irrefutable PROOOOOOOOOOOF you hear! Ther is no
> >protobacon. The mazda let those pigs out ... I have a picture of it.
> Where is this proof? I think you're bluffing...
I have it ... you'll be sorry ... Soon as I can post the original
picture of the so-called protobacon incident.... oboy ... will you be
sorry ... The Viking knows ... he was there ... he did it ... hid
Tromsoe pigs on mars which he transported there in the boot of the
dalmatian mazda ... you'll see
> >I can't even post it cos a tha STUPID F$%KIN UNI F$^CKIN
> >^^*$##$##!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SERVERS
>
> Haha! My ham ate it! You can prove nothing!
Nothing is provable ... please refer to your copy of the theory of
complete indeterminacy ... I know your ham ate it ... you know your ham
ate it ... but what does the ham have to say?
> v2r <- That's me.
Only in your opinion.
> "I feel odd... almost, dairy-like..."
Again, indeterminable ... odd? dairy-like? ...
I suggest you adjust your udder
> I have seen the Martian Protobacon!... and it was good...
Its a farce I tell you ... own up ... the truth must be known
Total Froup Degeneration!!!
From - Sun Aug 03 09:23:48 1997
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From: Bucketmouth
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Wxwilki alleged:
>
> In article <33E27C60.6E94B82B@spurious.com>, Bucketmouth
> writes:
>
> >V2R wrote:
> >>
> >> Bucketmouth wrtititiededeed:
> >> >V2R wrote:
> >> >> bucketmouth once said:
> >> >>
> >> >> >If you find yourself there, what will you say to you? Huh?Huh?Huh?
> >> Huh?
> Huh?
I said Huh!
> >> >> I would hope I would say hello but sometimes I'm not so nice to the
> >> other
> >> >> voices I hear in my head...
> "row, row, row, yer boat?"
Like that except in a minor key with a Morrocini string section.
> >> Well, I'm not.
> >Well you should be.
> Who?
Who do you thnik?
> >> >You run the risk of giving those voices an inferiority complex. They
> >> >will feel neglected and revolt!
> >> An inferiority complex.... how much does one of those cost?
> >
> >Lots ... about $7,500 ... backdated to when you first became abusive
> >towards your udder voices ... send a blank cheque made out to tha
> >Strategic Centre for Shaky Logic and Inconclusive Wh.... or dial
> >1-800-F%$KUP with someone else's credit card details ... this will give
> >us an idea how much to charge you.
> That was so good...I wish I could have wrote something like that...
You mean it wasn't you?????
> >> >> >I have proof. Irrefutable PROOOOOOOOOOOF you hear! Ther is no
> >> >> >protobacon. The mazda let those pigs out ... I have a picture of
> it.
> >> But I saw the protobacon... and with thine own eyes
> >
> >What you saw is a teddible teddible hoax perpetrated by the bill clones
> >to get us all to go to mars and eat old, chilly, methane pork products
> >while they sit here eating all the fressh stuff before we get back. The
> >truth is out there.
> >
> YER FALSEHODS WILL BE PUBLISHED
As ever, it seems the truth has fallen into the wrong hands your
is a teddible teddible warning for
all of us who so worship the troof.
> >> >> Where is this proof?
> huh?
I said get of the roof!
> ALRIGHT CATHERWOOD! TALK OR I'LL BLOW HER BRANE OUT!
*slap* You lame chicken rustler, what do I care if you blow out that
chicken's brane, I was gunna do it anyhow ... hmmm that makes me hungry.
> #I think you're bluffing
> flatfoot
> BLAM!!!!
*peeeeeoooowwwwwingaziiing*
ya missed me nyaahhhhh*BLAM!!!!*
> "OH!"
> KLUNK!
> "No... you weren't bluffing."
> "All right, talk!"
No no no ... that should be phrased: "All right, talk!" *slap* *slap*
*slap*
> "Okay, it was..."
*slap* *slap* *slap*
Dammittt I said TALK! *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*
"Okay, it was..."
TALK! *slap* *slap* *slap* *slap*
" okayokayokayokay I'll tell you the real troof,
> >> >I have it ... you'll be sorry ... Soon as I can post the original
> >> >picture of the so-called protobacon incident.... oboy ... will you be
> >> >sorry ... The Viking knows ... he was there ... he did it ... hid
> >> >Tromsoe pigs on mars which he transported there in the boot of the
> >> >dalmatian mazda ... you'll see
> >> Can you repeat the question?
> Who are you talking to?
"Shuddup or the duck's next"
"Argo get f^%ked..."
"What did you say?!!!"
> >"I said why is a duck?"
> Easy, one leg and another. Sheesh
Oh.
> >> >> >I can't even post it cos a tha STUPID F$%KIN UNI F$^CKIN
> >> >> >^^*$##$##!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SERVERS
> >> >> Haha! My ham ate it!
> Ham? Ham?! HAM???!!! I thnik yer one of Doc's crew!!!
Is that the screw at the back of their neck, you know, the doc screw
...???
> >>>>>>>>>>You can prove nothing!
> oh, ok
> >> >Nothing is provable ... please refer to your copy of the theory of
> >> >complete indeterminacy ... I know your ham ate it ...
> sounds groos
That's an entirely subject opinion.
> Sombody wort..........you know your ham
> >> >ate it ... but what does the ham have to say?
> >> My ham sais "Moooooo".
Mine says quack!
> >Seee ... I tol you ... check for bill clones in your fridge ...
> That reminds me. Dose anybody know about the "darksuker theory?"
> Learned about it in Chicago a few years back.
> >"..it's my
> >suspicion that they have entered the fridges of the froup in search of
> >fresh bacon (hoping that we'd already left to try that fancy-looking
> >martian stuff.
> >> >> v2r <- That's me.
> >> >Only in your opinion.
> >> No really, it is me.
> >prove it ... this is an impossible task
> >> >> "I feel odd... almost, dairy-like..."
> how now?
> >> >Again, indeterminable ... odd? dairy-like? ...
> >> I feel much like cheese...
> >what sort? please be specific.
> >> >I suggest you adjust your udder
> >> I've adjusted my rudder... what now?
> >adjust your mudder .... not that one, the udder mudder.
> >> >> I have seen the Martian Protobacon!... and it was good...
> >> >Its a farce I tell you ... own up ... the truth must be known
> >> Obfuscate!
> >Frngkmdnuyei.
> >> Obfuscate!
> >Foscubate!
> >> Obfuscate!
> >Usecatfob!
> mxysptltyk!
kornfed!
> >> Don't be silly, there is no such thing as truth.
> oh
As well you know, you fridge-lurking, bacon-plotting clone.
> >I'm glad you agree, you may join the Strategic Centre for Shaky Logic
> >and Inconclusive Wh.... send money and all your worldly goods.
> ARF!
You also qualify, what's your details, please be vague.
> >> v2r <- That's me.
> Are you sure?
Well I was .... but now???
> >You can't be sure ...l you've admitted as mutch
> Oh.
So there.
> >> "Two frogs is the head is worth more than a parrot on a binge."
> "A man who thinks he's surrounded by idiots may be standing in a hall of
> mirrors."
> >Is the parrot blooo or blew?
> The bird with the coppery-keen claws.
Twas brillig and the slithy protobacon did gyre and gamble on the racing
sheep.
> >What kinda frog?
> A big frog. But there's a difference!
Oh definitely .... unless you stand a long way back.
> >> "What the hell does that mean?"
> Ask Ross.
Ross?
> >It means that interpretive skills are subjective and therefore
> >ideterminate, you should almost know that?
> Yer making my brane hurtz.
That's the point *poke*
> >> "What, like I'm supposed to know?!?"
> Bacon.
> >Thass what I said
When?
> Huh? (tm nosy)
> >-- bucketmouth - la deee deee de doooooooo
>
> "There she was, a-walkin down the street! Singn' do wah ditty do ditty
> do!!!
ditty dumb
> --Bill
-- bucketmouth
The Resultant Theory of Complete Indeterminacy
From - Sun Aug 03 09:21:22 1997
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Date: Sat, 26 Jul 1997 23:45:05 +1000
From: Professor Walter D Bucketmouth
Organization: Strategic centre for shaky logic and inconclusive wh....
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As at 2347 hours on the 27th of the month in which a non-specific thing
apparently happened somewhere, the absolutely inconclusive nature of
just about everything has contributed to the severe confusion and
disorientation experienced by untrained observers in regards to our
exact relationship with the entire universe - and all the other really
big places - resulted in a general tendency to disregard the - as yet
unestablished - fact that there is little hope of absolutely being
certain which way, that is if there is any particular way that should be
- or may be - appropriate in the greater scheme of what is alleged to
have happened to what we consider being now, may result in a complete
lack of future interest in sinentiffifficlly based data in relation to
just about anything whatsoever.
Please send money - You'll feel better.
-- bucketmouth - not in it for the money.
Poor Treatment of a brilliantly Confusing Theory
rom - Sun Aug 03 09:22:16 1997
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Date: Sun, 27 Jul 1997 22:30:33 +1000
From: Professor Bucket D Mouth
Organization: Strategic centre for shaky logic and inconclusive wh....
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J'raxis 270145 wrote:
>
> Professor Walter D Bucketmouth apparently tried to communicate:
>
> : As at 2347 hours on the 27th of the month in which a non-specific thing
> : apparently happened somewhere, the absolutely inconclusive nature of
> : just about everything has contributed to the severe confusion and
> : disorientation experienced by untrained observers in regards to our
> : exact relationship with the entire universe - and all the other really
> : big places - resulted in a general tendency to disregard the - as yet
> : unestablished - fact that there is little hope of absolutely being
> : certain which way, that is if there is any particular way that should be
> : - or may be - appropriate in the greater scheme of what is alleged to
> : have happened to what we consider being now, may result in a complete
> : lack of future interest in sinentiffifficlly based data in relation to
> : just about anything whatsoever.
>
> Uuh, yeah. That's what they'd LIKE you to think.
Not at all .. well maybe ... and in some cases ... Yes. The partial
acceptance and relativity of the whole notion of indeterminacy is, as
yet, unestablished.
> : http://www.geocities.com/SunsetStrip/Palms/8314/stupid.html
> : It's a stewpid, stewpid place with no hair at all.
>
> Where'd the hair go!?
The hair, apparently cognisant of the above-stated theory of
indeterminism, hypothesised that, because there was no particular
reference point which it could decide upon as being absolute, it should
not confine its universe of possibilities to the concept that it should
remain anywhere in particular, especially if that someplace in
particular was, as yet, unestablished in its temporal and spatial
coordinates - as my colleague Myrvang (Ph.D. - fshknf)would put it -
therefore it has apparently ceased to be anywhere in particular until
such absolutes are established and written in large stone blocks along
the banks of the limpopo river.
Thanks for your question.
> Da, da, da. ... Insert your own quote here.
"Lawnmowers are the first sign of a failed marriage" John Barns: Drummer
and mutually independently thinker.
-- Professor Bucket D Mouth (Bachelor of circumstances)
Standard Disclaimer: "Don't Blame Me!"
© 1997 pw.graham@student.qut.edu.au
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